CRAZIEST. (Post 3 of 3)

SKITTLES.

B comes home from work at lunch most days, and the other day Tag ran to let him know he had pooped on the potty.  Then he said, "Daddy, the skittles are all gone!  We need to buy some more."  

B responded, "You ate all your skittles! Wow that means you've been doing a great job pooping on the potty!" (a handful of skittles were the current reward) 

I sat back smiling... feeling a little victory dance coming on (But not yet.  not yet!)  Then Tag says, "Well, Mommy ate them too.  She ate a lot!"  

BUSTED.  That kid is such a tattle lately. (love him!)

Tag reasoned that I could have skittles because I pooped on the potty too.  I agreed enthusiastically!  But really, I get some because if I was around to award skittles, it means I was the one to go "help" afterwards.  I feel very much as if I DESERVE those skittles!  So get more skittles WE WILL sweet boy!  

And, FYI the new apple flavor ROCKS!

[Tag as some kind of transformer with the boxes on his hands.  and Tag with his paci loot (photo from back in the spring)]

BACK TO WHAT IS CRAZY.

I haven't written about this yet, because it's taken me every minute of the 25 weeks to believe it's real.  

We're expecting another baby Cobb in November!  

I put that exclamation mark there knowing it has double meaning.

excitement + insanity  

Yeah, I said it.  It feels insane to me.  Like, in the inhalation of one breath I have this feeling of complete elation, excitement, happiness and bewilderment that I've received this magical, undeserved, gift yet again.  HOLY COW.  ME?!  Like I'm accepting an academy award!  

But in the exhale of that same breath, I feel straight up panic. WHAT THE WHATTTTTTTTT!!!!!!  How can we do this?  3 under 3?  We've already spent a small fortune on broken limbs, diapers, and animal crackers.  Duke Hospital OWNS us.  My time is already divided between two kiddos, my boo... plus work!  I love them (kiddos and b) so much, my heart feels like it's traveling outside my body.  How can my heart be expanded yet again?  How can we afford this? What other sacrifices will we need to make to be able to afford this?  Will I still work, Yup.  Will we move out of our 1300 sq foot house meant for 3?  since we'll have 5.  Eventually.  What about your car... can you even fit 3 car seats in the back of the Highlander?  Technically. 

[a tight squeeze.  tag is wearing my snowboarding helmet in this photo.  story is giving her best mean mugging.]

So then I take another breath and try to clear my head, and think rationally about all these answers.  And the rational answers come.  And they go.  And I'm left feeling like I can take another breath because I'm entirely dependent upon the Grace of God.  Because, I have nothing else to cling to.  Thank you, Father!

Others tell me, "Oh I had 3 together like that..." and "I remember those days..." or "Oh, I know because I have 5 now and a set of multiples." And, I'm like... BUT I'm NOT YOU!  I'm not organized, or competent on fewer than 7 hours of sleep, or staying at home with the kids right now.  And, I HATE MINIVANS!  

And what about me?  I wanted to run a half marathon this fall.  And, my bladder hates me.  And can I just get a glass o wine?  And, I'm not a skinny mom.  I gain like 60 lbs every dang time.  Ok, I exaggerate... it's more like 50-55.  And, HOW will I EVER go to Target without B again?????  Tag nor Story will sit in the crazy cart yet... they BOTH still need to be in the buckled part up front!  And trying to maneuver that giant cart is not worth the trouble anyway.           

(I told you I'm truly so sinfully selfish!)

 

[why can't Target have these fun carts?  still doesn't solve my upcoming problem though... though the thought has crossed my mind that maybe this is a way of curbing our budget for the things to come! haha!]

Some people might read this and be like, "Fo shame, that girl has no idea how babies are made" And others might be like "Fo shame, that girl doesn't know how blessed she is." And both can right.  Judge away.  My pride, independence, desire to please others, desire to control everything, is being stripped away moment by surviving moment. 

Apparently, I didn't know how to take my birth control EXACTLY as prescribed (once a day, same EXACT time every day within like a 2 hour window), though I never missed a pill mind you!  And, I'll admit that I don't know yet, just how lucky I am.  I feel this baby kicking around in me, and excitement builds!  I wanna know--what is it?  (Brentley knows the gender, but nobody else does, myself included)  Will this baby be like Story or Tag or completely different?  Will it look like one of us or like their crazy, beautiful, aunt J?  Will this one be more calm... kind of pensive?  Or another addition to the circus?  What if this one has reddish hair like me!?!    

All I do know this: 

God's plan for my (our) life, never fails to amaze me.  It never fails to surprise and thrill me.  I love that HE is in control, and I am not.  I love that He supplies the strength needed.  He supplies every need.  Through Him, all fears are assuaged.  I love surprises, and this indeed is one.  So, THANK YOU LORD!  It's a precious surprise!  

And, Tag and Story have been the biggest blessings to me and B.  And, I'd venture to say they have served as HUGE blessings to their grandparents too.  We have never experienced love and responsibility in such a grand and fulfilling way as we have while being their parents.  Every day is new and filled with amazement and wonder: 

Will Story say a new word?  

Will Tag recognize a new letter of the alphabet?  

Story learned to tumble?!  

Is she going to climb out of her crib this morning?  

Did you know Tag calls me "Godi" now instead of mommy?  And you are now "Bentway."      

OWWWW... Is that batman in my bed?  Oh, there is half a goldfish stuck to your back (after lying in bed all night).

           

These moments can't be described in words, only experienced as parents.  But, I hope it helps to convey my point.

This will be hard(er), but there is no way it won't be awesome!  

Being parents to Tag and Story has been the best experience ever.  And this (baby # 3) is more of that.  So BRING ON THE CRAZY!  And, a dang minivan.  

I'd like to finish out the "Crazy" series with a shout out to my baby daddy.  I love this dude.  B is such a terrific and selfless husband and father.  I'm sure I don't even know how much he gives up to be with us day in and day out.  He comes home from work and jumps right into life with us-- gets his hands dirty and all!  He's not (too) afraid of a 3+ wipe diaper, a discipline issue, or bath time.  He'll finish dinner or endure Angelina Ballerina and make up words to the tune of "Baby Bumble Bee" with the best of them!  He encourages me and brings me to reason.  He loves me through my selfishness, and helps me to see and embrace self-LESS-ness.  He leads our home with joy, love, and affection.  

Until about week 18 I was totally dragging and exhausted, and NOT about to cook.  He picked up the reins, figuring out dinner for us every night.  He grocery shops.  He lets me have naps and takes the kids out on mystery rides.  Without him, I wouldn't be in this situation (HA HA), but I wouldn't have it any other way!  He is such a treasured gift to me!  And, certainly easy on the eyes too ;) xo