"Therefore do not be anxious."

I'm a worry wart. I'd like to think otherwise, but it's in times such as this (this being, pregnancy) that my lack of trust in God becomes apparent to me. But I'm blessed, because I have an amazing Husband who doesn't struggle in this area, who supports and encourages me. I'm also blessed with awesome friends from church with whom I can share my struggles knowing they'll offer solid biblical advice.

Last week the girls in my homegroup got together for our monthly ladies meeting. I shared with them about how I can't seem to shake the fear of losing this baby, even at 21 weeks. Almost immediately they comforted me by sharing that they too have/do struggle in fear. I soon realized that other mothers have struggled with this same fear from day one of each of their pregnancies too. In fact, all through the night it seemed like many were sharing common seasonal fears such as, "what if I never get married", "what if I can't get pregnant", "what if I fail at school", "what if we can't buy/sell the house", "what if I lose my job," and the list could go on and on and on regarding the fears women have an any given season in their life. A few encouraging comments that really stuck with me were these:

• This is just the very beginning of my need to trust God more in this season (mine being parenthood). So I need to relinquish my fears to Him. For example, with children come many blessings and many joys that are unmatched by any other experience. But opportunities to trust God will also become more abundant the further in parenting I get. Whether it's the listening to the baby sleep because I'm fearful of them not breathing, or being afraid of them turning 16 and driving without my excellent and protective supervision, I MUST TRUST GOD. Learning this now will strengthen my relationship with Him. It will set an example for my children. It will allow me to better enjoy the blessings He has and will give me. Most importantly, it will glorify God.
  
• God hasn't given me yet the grace required to handle the traumatic experiences I fear so much. I think about losing this baby, and I imagine it being unbearable. And in reality, today it would be unbearable. Because today I am pregnant with a healthy baby and God has given me the grace sufficient for that. So worrying about tomorrow and fearing all the awful things that could happen is a complete waste of my time, not to mention a sin against God. He commands me not to be anxious about tomorrow. He reminds me in his word that no amount of my worrying can change what will happen, and that sufficient is the day for it's own trouble. There will be a new grace from Him for me the day when suffering comes.
  

Matthew 6: ²⁵ "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? ²⁸And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, ²⁹yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. ³³But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. ³⁴ Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

And then today, Gene Emerson, a guest speaker at our church delivered an amazing message (should be posted soon for Sunday April 18) on suffering that put into perspective my fears.

John 15: 1-5 "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

I won't describe the whole sermon, because you should listen for yourself, but essentially a few of my take-aways were:

• The parts of your life that aren't bearing fruit will be cut off (ouch) and those that do bear fruit will still be pruned so that it may be more fruitful (still, ouch). therefore "all fruit bearing saints must feel the knife" (suffering). [c. spurgeon]
• We can be thankful and HOPEFUL though, because God is never so close to us as He is when He's pruning us. And, he's not chastening us in judgment (for our sins, because they're already paid for by Christ's death), but he's chastening us in love so that we can bear much fruit as He has called us to do.

So at the end of the day today I sit back and realize that I should not live in fear of future suffering. But when suffering does come (in whatever form), I need to embrace the grace God will have given me, and see it for the good and hopeful thing that it will become--fruit in my life.